Online dating diaries, stuff that happened
We leg it hand in hand down the road.
Maybe I should confront her - that'd probably be the right thing to do. Joanna doesn't offer to go halves. Guess that's why I like her.
The Virtual Date 6 of 7. I pondered this meeting the family early thing. Her testicles are massive.
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Fast forward to now and they are engaged! I thought you wanted to hangout. Emma starts singing, so I join in. You'd think they'd take the hint, but no.
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I pretend to need a wee, darting upstairs to the bog to assess my options while staring into a ceramic urinal. The 'Hello' seems kind of redundant in this sentence. Pull away from our goodbye kiss - her dating diaries stinks.
Apparently it's singles' night. Stretch for the glass of water on her bedside table.
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The theme to Match of the Day vibrates through paper-thin walls, and the disbelieving voice of John Motson soundtracks our descent under the sheets. I'm right on her tail when the child's lips begin to stir. We take our seats in the dank basement, where psychedelic paintings of John Lennon decorate each wall.
It's her mother - and she's from the Finest range. Internet, this is why I own cats.